


Slow is Better, Sometimes

by gin_tonic



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Community: snarry_swap, M/M, New Year's Eve
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-06-04
Updated: 2012-06-04
Packaged: 2017-11-06 19:51:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,855
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/422574
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gin_tonic/pseuds/gin_tonic
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>For a while now, Harry has wanted to be with Severus. As the year slowly comes to an end he finds a way to tell Severus of his feelings. Will they be happy with the way their lives change?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Slow is Better, Sometimes

**Author's Note:**

  * For [lilyseyes](https://archiveofourown.org/users/lilyseyes/gifts).



> Many thanks to crimson_vipera for beta'ing this even though I came to her on short notice!

After the war Harry had fallen into a black hole - he didn’t know what to do now that Voldemort was dead, especially because all ideas of what to do after school had been so theoretical, so very abstract that the possibility that he could actually do all those things had completely thrown him. But this past year had been better – he had decided that working on the repairs was a good way to have something valuable to do and would give him time to figure out things. And he had indeed figured out something: first and foremost, that he was gay and second, that, no matter how strange it was and how nobody agreed with him on this, he was insanely attracted to Snape. To his wit and his long fingers, his intense eyes, even the crooked nose. It had taken him months to admit those feelings to himself and several months more to find the courage to pursue Severus. 

He remembered Snape's face as he had told him – hesitatingly and with a lot of stuttering – that he _kind of, maybe, really_ wanted him. His angrily shouted profanities, followed by _"I will not let you make a mockery of me, Potter! Go to hell!"_ rang in his head for days and the curses Severus had cast had made Harry unable to sit down for days. 

Harry had written him, only to receive back the ashes of his letters, then had resorted to using the Marauders' Map to find Severus and magically appear there, to talk to him. Some people would have called that stalking, but Harry decided he was only displaying persistence. _Snape_ turned into _Severus_ , whether he wanted to or not. And at the beginning of December Severus finally gave in and had agreed to a date.

******

The date, frankly, turned out to be a disaster. Harry had picked a restaurant that he'd read about in the newspaper. It was one of the best in the Wizarding World – and apparently everyone else thought so, too, but had – unlike Harry – made reservations. Because of who he was they had managed to squeeze them in. Now, sitting at a table that was too close to the loo to be comfortable, Harry stuttered through his order of scallops on spinach with apple-brandy cream sauce. Whatever the hell that was.

"And which wine would you like with that?" the waiter asked Harry, who immediately blushed. Wine? He'd never had wine before, only Butterbeer. But he could hardly say that, right? The waiter – and Severus, for that matter – would only think of him as an idiot. Quickly he raced through names of wines that he didn't know anything about and then just blurted: "Red!"

The waiter grimaced and a soft cough came from Severus' side of the table. "Maybe you should rather go with a white wine. A Chardonnay or a Riesling, perhaps." The waiter seemed to find this choice more fitting as well, as he nodded with a smile. Severus ordered quickly and precisely and Harry just sat there wondering, how a date in a nice restaurant could already be on its way to the abyss. 

Harry tried to make up for his faux-pas by raising his glass to Severus and making a (slightly awkward) compliment about Severus' eyes – because really, he did like Severus' eyes. Severus only looked at him weirdly and ignored the comment. 

The wine tasted strange to Harry's tongue, but he drank some more to cover up the uncomfortable silence reigning over the table. He wanted to talk to Severus, tell him about… about… well, he didn't know what he wanted to say, which certainly was part of the problem, but he did know that he wanted to talk. With Severus. He thought about talking about his day, but found it too trivial, every event as boring as they had been the day before. Harry liked it that way, but it certainly didn't make fodder for a good conversation. The war and school were out of question, as was potions, because Harry would only matters worse with those.

"Have you… have you had a good day?" Harry finally asked. He felt a bit light-headed and could positively see how a blush was spreading from his chest to his neck, probably slowly covering his whole face.

Severus gave him a look, again, but this time he replied: "It was adequate. As usual."

Harry nodded knowingly. He found nothing more to say and so they passed the time until their dinner arrived in silence. Harry emptied his glass and by the time dessert finally rolled around, he was well past being tipsy. 

Severus led him outside and Apparated with him back to the gates of Hogwarts. 

"Severus?" Harry asked drunkenly as they made their way towards the castle. "I really like you." 

This time, Severus just walked quicker and soon enough they'd arrived at Harry's quarters. Harry unlocked his door and turned around. This was the moment, he thought and felt his heart beat against his chest, a bit uneven maybe. Maybe his heart was as drunk as he was. He leant a bit closer. This was it. The kiss after the date, the thing everybody talked about. The first kiss. He moved quick and connected – only that it wasn't Severus mouth that his lips met, but his hard chin. 

Severus pushed him gently but firmly away. "Goodnight, Harry."

******

When Harry woke up the next day, he had a raging headache and the taste of wine was still lingering on his tongue. He managed to drag himself into the shower and searched his medicine-cabinet for anything that would relieve him of the symptoms, but he had never had a hangover before and had to settle for a headache potion instead of the hangover remedy he'd never required before. His hair was still wet when there was a knock on the door.

Severus was standing in the hallway, looking… unhappy, perhaps, or uncomfortable. Harry felt his already queasy stomach drop even before Severus started speaking.

"Maybe… maybe we should reconsider this", Severus said and Harry hung his head. Of course he would say that. Of course one date with him, disastrous as it had been, was enough to drive the man way. 

"I understand," he said. And he did, because really, he wouldn't have wanted to date himself, not with the inexperience he had just displayed.

"No, I don't think you do," Severus said and took his hand. His heart started beating like mad, loud and alive, and Harry looked at Severus with more hope than he had ever had before. "Given your… inexperience I would suggest a different way to go about things. That is, if you are willing to pursue this." Severus awkwardly gestured between the two of them.

Harry nodded eagerly. "Yes! Yes, definitely!" He hadn't wanted anything this bad in years.

"I would like to propose a courtship to you. _I_ would court _you_ and if we, when the courtship comes to a conclusion, are so inclined we may continue our… association." 

It took some moments for Harry to decipher Severus' complicated sounding suggesting, but then he threw his arms around Severus and agreed.

******

The first time that Severus took him out for a date was for coffee. He Apparated them to a little, windy town in Wales where he knew a cosy little café that was low-key, quiet and private. Harry found it lovely.

Watching waves crash against the cliffs, Harry leant back in his armchair and sipped on his mocha with loads of cream on top. This time, the silence was comfortable and warm.

"Why did you decide to pursue me?" Severus asked after a while. Harry blushed immediately.

"I can't explain it properly." He shook his head. "I just know that I like you. A lot."

"Liking someone isn't enough for a relationship."

Harry shook his head. "No, it's not. But liking someone is the basis. I'm attracted to you. I enjoy being with you." He blushed harder this time. What did Severus want him to say? He couldn't say that he loved him – not yet. It was too soon for love, even though he knew that he was falling for Severus, even if this was only their second date. He took a deep breath. He needed Severus to know, though, how he felt. "I've known you for so long. Long enough to know what I'm getting myself into." He smiled wryly and Severus snorted. "We've already experienced the good and the bad. To be honest, what could be worse than what we've been through?"

Severus inclined his head. "True. So you do want this."

Harry rolled his eyes. "Of course. Or I wouldn't have followed you around for weeks."

"You did show quite an amount of persistence," Severus agreed and smiled behind his tea-cup. Harry beamed and decided that he loved Severus' smile. Giving him reason to show it more often immediately became a new goal in his life. 

"What about you then?" Harry just had to ask. "Are you doing this just because I asked? To patronise me? Are you going to tell me later on that there can't be anything between us?" He had wondered about that, to be honest. Feared it, even.

Quicker than Harry had imagined Severus could move, Severus leant over and gave him a light smack against his head. "Have you ever known me to do something just to be nice, you dolt?" Harry, wide-eyed, shook his head. "Exactly. Especially asking to court someone isn't something I do lightly. If that answers your question…?"

It did and was also reason enough for Harry to keep smiling for days.

******

The month passed and Harry realised that he hadn't known what being courted actually meant. In his mind, he had expected that it was another way of saying that they would be taking things slowly. But there was so much more to a courtship than that. It was also a lot more formal than Harry had expected. He still didn't know where it was leading them, either. In earlier times, courtship had practically always ended in marriage. Only if one party had displayed gross behaviour during the courtship the resulting marriage could be cancelled. But nowadays everything was way more flexible, allowing the courtship to be about discovery and getting to know each other with rules guiding their interactions, mostly making it easier for both parties to find what they needed. 

At the beginning of their courtship Harry hadn't quite understood what the concept contained. He'd been afraid to do something wrong, but Severus had taken away that fear and had transformed it into something good. Now, Harry was learning something from the Prince again. There were so many traditions that he didn't know about and experiencing one like this, one that was so important, was just fantastic. 

First and foremost they spent time getting to know each other. And only when Harry went nearly crazy from the lack of touching and kissing, Severus had kissed him good-night. Harry had insisted on saying good-night a couple of times before actually going into his quarters and closing the door, but Severus certainly hadn't minded.

******

On New Year’s Eve, two years after the war, Hogwarts still wasn’t ready to receive the full load of students back. But they had just finished a big chuck of repairs and that alone was reason enough to celebrate. 

Harry, too, had reasons to celebrate. After everything that had happened to him in the last couple of years, things were finally beginning to look up. Now that he had Severus at his side he felt whole – calmer, more positive. Harry knew there were enough people who didn't agree to them and their courtship, but he couldn't care less. They would get used to seeing him and Severus together – and if they didn't, well, fuck them.

When Severus had asked him to spend New Year’s Eve with him, Harry had readily agreed. He had expected an intimate dinner in Severus' chambers, candle-light setting the mood and soft music leading them into the New Year. He had expected to be in Severus' arms. Somehow they’d ended up here, though, at the slightly less intimate party at Hogwarts that McGonagall had organised and all they had done in matters of intimacy was standing close to each other. 

Everyone who was living in the castle had been invited. There was wine and punch, but Harry stuck to water for now. He got tipsy quite quickly, as their first date had clearly shown. He'd drunk a glass of wine now and then with Severus, but preferred to stick to the occasional light lager, if he drank at all. And if he started drinking tonight, he feared, he’d drink to much to cover up his nervousness and get clingy or loud or – and this was worse – embarrass Severus and himself. 

“Are you alright?” Severus asked as he returned from the buffet with a plate full with finger food. Harry nodded slowly. Maybe Severus had planned something more… _courtshippy_ for later. After all, there was still a lot of the night left. Harry had been thinking about tonight a lot. Now that they'd started kissing, Harry had thought they would progress to… other things, too. But so far they had kissed, sometimes touched each other a bit, but had never went so far as to undress. Harry blushed at the thought alone. He was a virgin – well, he’d fumbled around with Ginny once or twice but had never felt ready to take the next step and since he’d only realised that he was into men this year there hadn’t been time for experimenting. Not that he was actually the type... 

Would tonight be the night? In his romantic fantasies the thought of making love as fireworks illuminated the sky sounded dreamy, even perfect, but he wasn’t sure if he was ready. Oh, he wanted Severus so much, but the idea of being closer to him, of being naked with him exited and scared him at the same time.

He took a snack from Severus' plate and munched on it, leaning slightly against Severus. Touching Severus was still so new and so strange. Being near Severus made Harry's heart beat faster and he often felt tongue-tied around him. Unable to express what he was feeling and how much it meant to him to be close to Severus, especially on this night, Harry took Severus' hand in his and squeezed.

******

Just shortly before midnight, someone handed out champagne. As everyone else looked forward to finally leaving this year behind, mentally counting down the minutes, Harry looked at Severus and cocked his head. This had been a good year, he thought. He just hoped the next one would be even better. 

"What do you wish for in the New Year?" Harry blurted.

Severus looked at him weirdly and finally said: "I wish for nothing."

"Nothing? Don't you have any New Year's resolutions?" Harry himself had tons. Find the courage to not only face his opponents, but face himself, his own fears. It was surprising how much you could be afraid of even though you'd faced down an evil overlord. Another point on the agenda was to find out what exactly he wanted to do with his life. He also wanted to play more Quidditch, but that was a whole other matter altogether. 

"Every resolution, every plan I've ever made has been foiled by someone whose designs had been more powerful than my own. I stopped making plans regarding my life long ago. At least on the big scale."

Harry frowned slightly. Severus loved making plans, loved organising everything. To think that he didn't do the same with his own life was disturbing. And yet that wasn't what he said. He chose a little more selfish route. "And what about me? Aren't I on the big scale?"

Severus looked at Harry – really looked at him – for a long while. In the background people started the countdown. "It's nearly midnight," Severus said and started towards the tower's balcony. Harry followed him, disappointment hollowing out his stomach. He didn't quite know what he had expected, but it hadn't been this.

Half-heartedly Harry counted down with the rest - _"Three, two, one – Happy New Year!"_ \- and raised his head like everyone else when McGonagall set off the fireworks. George had produced this line and they were as magnificent as all his products. Flowers illuminated the sky, glittering stars forming, then exploding in a rain of shimmer and joy and magic beings raced through the few clouds that sailed up there. 

Harry hugged himself and sighed. The fireworks really were beautiful. If only – Suddenly there were arms around him and Severus pulled him close from behind. Severus lips were right next to Harry's ear and Harry felt him swallow hard. "You _are_ my big scale," he quietly said and kissed Harry's temple. Harry blinked, the lights of the fireworks became blurred and he turned around and kissed Severus. This was everything he wanted. This was perfect. Slow and real and patient and perfect.

"Happy New Year."

******

The End


End file.
